Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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