But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
