We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
