Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
not ubering you a puppy
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
