the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I die, sorry about rent.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
