I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
