butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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