just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
