no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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