I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We talked him into tasing himself.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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