moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
