How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
