i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
