i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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