i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
