i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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