No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
