bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize