dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
