they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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