Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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