I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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