Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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