We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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