I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
