how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
