when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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