You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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