Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
