If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
