i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
