Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
MIDGETS
????
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
