hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize