the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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