as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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