If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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