idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She told me I should be a condom model.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
