This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
