do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So much rum. So many feels.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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