What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Someone shit on the floor
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
