I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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