The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we have pet lesbian snakes
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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