He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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