I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Barsexuality is the new black.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
