Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
