Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
