the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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