We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
