For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
