I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
