When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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