Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
