Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
