a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
