I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
