First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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