i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
