You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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