I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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