Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
