i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
