I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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